A Biblical Understanding of Love

5 Love Languages
Week #1: A Biblical Understanding of Love

1 Corinthians 13 (ESV) The Way of Love
¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ²And if I have^(A) prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith,^(B) so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ^3(C) If I give away all I have, and^(D) if I deliver up my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.

^4(E) Love is patient and^(F) kind; love^(G) does not envy or boast; it^(H) is not arrogant ⁵or rude. It^(I) does not insist on its own way; it^(J) is not irritable or resentful;^{[b] 6}it^(K) does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but^(L) rejoices with the truth. ^7(M) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,^(N) endures all things. ⁸Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

Remember back when you got married… It is a terrific day, everything is about you and your spouse. They day is yours and you feel like this is the first day of the rest of your lives. When you both first “Fell” in love, didn’t it seem as though your mate could do no wrong? The rest of your family and friends could see their faults but you could not? Then, after a few years, that “Love” that you experienced was gone. You could now see all your spouse’s flaws? You stopped being aware of the similarities and the differences now where innumerable.
The “feeling” of love was now gone. The emotional high of “falling” in love was now gone. At first you felt as though your “falling” in love was so great for the other person that you would jump out of a 10,000’ airplane to express your love for that person? The progression of things that happen when you jump out of an airplane are; jumping (head first into love), falling (letting the emotion of love carry you away), and then the falling stops in one of two ways; either a crash or a successful landing. The former happens when one is not prepared for the landing, and the latter is when you are.
You either have a parachute, knowledge of the transition from falling to stopping when you reach earth, or you have thrown caution to the wind and jumped without a parachute and come crashing to the ground. Metaphorically, jumping with a parachute is being grounded in Biblical (Good) Love, and jumping without one is Wordly (Bad) Love.

Class Exercise: Dry erase board: Write 1 Cor 13:4-5a in sections

Biblical (Good) Love: Patient, Kind, rejoices with truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, never ends

Worldly (Bad) Love: Boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, irritable, resentful, rejoice at wrongdoing

Key Point #1: Worldly (Bad) love is counterfeit love.

Ephesians 5:1-3 - Walk in Love

^1(A) Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. ²And^(B) walk in love,^(C) as Christ loved us and^(D) gave himself up for us, a^(E) fragrant^(F) offering and sacrifice to God. ³But^(G) sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness^(H) must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. ⁴Let there be^(I) no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking,^(J) which are out of place, but instead^(K) let there be thanksgiving. ⁵For you may be sure of this, that^(L) everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (^(M) that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. ^6(N) Let no one^(O) deceive you with empty words, for because of these things^(P) the wrath of God comes upon^(Q) the sons of disobedience. ⁷Therefore^(R) do not become partners with them;

Worldly: Counterfeit love is:

- Immorality – Greek word porneia – Every kind of sexual sin – Self Gratification

- Impurity – Greek word akatharsia – Every kind of filth and impurity -

- Covetousness - Idolatry

When people have sex with others whom are not their spouses, they do so out of contempt for themselves. The lowest estimation of one’s self reaches out to grab what it can to make itself “feel” less contemptible.

- We are not showing authentic love unless we are intolerant of all the popular perversions of love.

Key Point #2: Biblical (good) love is authentic love.

C.S. Lewis – the Four Loves

Biblical: Authentic love is:
- Storge – Affection
- Phileo – Friendship
- Eros – Romance
- Agape – Unconditional Love – Godly love for His children

John 15:9-12 (English Standard Version)

^9(A) As the Father has loved me,^(B) so have I loved you. Abide in my love. ^10(C) If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as^(D) I have kept^(E) my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. ¹¹These things I have spoken to you,^(F) that my joy may be in you, and that^(G) your joy may be full.

^12(H) "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

-We are called to abide in God’s love. John 15:9-12

Key Point #3: Love is an action, Love is a deed, Love is an activity

Reread 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV) The Way of Love

- The bible never defines love. It only describes love.

Quote: John MacArthur – Sermon – Qualities of True Love part 1
The Bible never defines love. It never defines love in terms of abstracts, in terms of attitudes, in terms of feelings, in terms of ideology, it never defines love, it only describes love...in action. Because love is not an abstract. Love is not a feeling. Love is not really an attitude. Love is a deed. Love is an activity. In the Greek "Love is patient, love is kind, love is this, love is not that, love..." and what you read in English are adjectives. But in the Greek there are no adjectives here, these are all verbs. And verbs describe...what?...action. Love is not something you describe with adjectives. Love is something you describe with verbs because love is only described, it is not defined. Love is only love when it acts.

- Love is something that you do, not an emotion that you can fall in or out of.

In the movie Fireproof, a firefighter is losing his marriage. His father gives him a challenge to, everyday, act in loving ways to his wife. After time, those daily actions turned into a love for his wife like he never knew. When you give your selfishness up for someone else, you start to love that person, not out of emotion, but out of action.
Like a parent to an infant. The infant is incapable to feed, cloth, change, protect, clean itself. It is upon the parent to do all these things. In the act of doing these things, a love for the child grows like no other love for anyone else. It is a love grown out of action.

Today’s Challenge for the month: Each day, take the Love Dare for your spouse.

Praying Affection and Gratitude into your Marriage

Loving Your Spouse through Prayer

Week #3: Praying Affection and Gratitude into your Marriage

Key Bible Verse: Romans 12:10, 1 Thes 5:17-18, Phil 4:6

Definition of Affection: the emotional realm of love

Romans 12:10 - Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.,

?What does it look like, in a marriage, to love each other with Genuine Affection?
?How can we “Outdo one another in showing honor”? Love, respect, being honoring of your spouse.

Donald Barnhouse: “Love that goes upward is worship; love that goes outward is affection; love that stoops is grace.”

What are some ways to strengthen the affection in your marriage?

1.__Plan a Getaway__ 2.__Leave Love Notes__ 3. _Plan free time__ 4. _Connecting through talking_

What are some ways you can show your affection to your spouse?
1.__Do things your spouse likes to do__ 2.__Fullfil any needs__ 3. _Backrub__ 4. _Small gifts_ 5. flowers

Key Point #1: Affection is the inward emotion and an outward expression of Love.

C.S. Lewis – Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our natural lives. Four Loves , Chapter 3, paragraph 43

- Busyness and Burn-Out will stifle the affection in your marriage.

- Unforgiveness will block affection in your marriage.

o Just like with Christ, if you don’t seek His forgiveness, you are separated from Him. Likewise, unforgiveness will separate you form your spouse

- Forgiveness is the way for affection to blossom.

Take time right now to pray for forgiveness from our sins against the Lord and our spouse.

Eph 4:26: Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Write out a marriage prayer using Romans 12:10.
Lord, I pray that my wife and I love each other with Godly affection and that we will strive to outdo one another in showing honor to each other.

Key Point #2: Pray gratitude into your marriage by focusing on all the good things about your spouse.

Example of how NOT to pray: Lord, I pray for my spouse to lead like a real man should.

Example of how TO pray: Lord, I thank you for my spouse and the hard work he does providing for our family.

1 Thes 5:17-18 - ¹⁷pray without ceasing, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Group Question: What does it look like to give thanks in ALL circumstances?

C.S. Lewis: We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is “good”, because it is good, if “bad” because it works in us patience, humility and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.

- Praying for the Good things about your spouse will grow your gratitude for the blessings you have been given.

Individually, list out 5 good things about your spouse then share this list with him/her.

1.____________________2.__________________3. __________________4. __________________5. __________________

Take time right now to pray your thankfulness to God for these qualities of your spouse you are blessed with.

Key Point #3: Praying affection and gratitude will strengthen your marriage, prayer life, and change your attitude positively.

Message Curve Ball - Charles Swindoll on Attitude
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Take 5 min to pray with your spouse using affection and gratitude as your guide.

Weekly Challenge “Twofur” :

Each day: Show your affection in a different way to your spouse. Also, daily list 5 different good things about your spouse and thank the Lord for them.

Praying God’s Word into Your Marriage.

Loving Your Spouse through Prayer

Week #2: Praying God’s Word into Your Marriage.

?What are some ways that we married couples can use our tongues/words to build up our spouses? Encouraging words, communicate openly, praise him/her to the children, pray for them and face them when you do pray.

What is the most destructive part of your body?
Your Tongue is the most destructive part of your body.
James 3:6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
- We can take this destructive part of our body, infuse God’s Word into it and with Faith, pray for God to help build up our marriages.

Key Point #1: Using God’s Word in our prayers helps us to pray proper biblical prayers.

- Why? God’s thoughts and ways are so much higher than ours and His Word is his way of showing us his thoughts and ways.
- Praying the bible into your marriage will help you to pray for His thoughts and His ways.

- Examples? Jesus and the Believers did it:

Jesus: Matthew 27:46 & Psalm 22:1

Matthew 27:46
⁴⁵ From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. ⁴⁶ About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,^[c] lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
Psalm 22:1
⁴⁶And about the ninth hour Jesus^(BN) cried out with a loud voice, saying, ^(BO) "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" that is, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

- This was not a moment of weakness for Jesus but was (1) Jesus using prophesy to show that He was the Messiah, (2) it was an urgent appeal to God.

(1) the Jews of that day knew that Psalm 22 prophesized about the coming Messiah and they would match the prophesy to the Christ as the Messiah. The Jews knew that the Old Testament was filled with prophesy of the Christ coming but they also knew of two different ways the Messiah would come. One he would come as a Concurring King and two, He would come as a humble servant. The Jews were somewhat confused about what the Messiah would actually be, a concurring King or a humble Servant. As we know now, Jesus first came as a humble Servant and the second time He comes, He will come as a concurring King.

(2) Imagine only know something your entire life, say for instance the ability to breath. Also imagine that you are placed in an air tight room where no air can escape or enter. Now Imagine that the Oxygen in the room was sucked out and you were unable to breath any air. How would that feel? That is how it was with Jesus. His entire life, He had a direct link or connection. All He ever knew was the link to God. Now, at the time Jesus was about to die, ALL the sins of the world, past present and future, were heaped on Him and his connection/link to God was severed. He was separated from God. Isn’t that a good reason to express the loss of that connection in a question that would point Himself as being the Messiah?

The Believers:

Acts 4:23-26 The Believers Pray for Boldness:
²³When they were released, they went to their friends and reported what the chief priests and the elders had said to them. ²⁴And when they heard it, they lifted their voices^(AE) together to God and said, "Sovereign Lord,^(AF) who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and everything in them, ²⁵who through the mouth of our father David, your servant,^[c] said by the Holy Spirit, ^(AG) "'Why did the Gentiles rage, and the peoples plot in vain? ²⁶The kings of the earth set themselves, and^(AH) the rulers were gathered together, against the Lord and against his^(AI) Anointed

Psalm 2 The LORD's Chosen King

^1(A) Why do^(B) the nations rage^[a] and the peoples plot in vain? ²The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD and against his^(C) Anointed

- The Believers first praised God, and then they told God their specific requests.
- They did not ask for God to remove the problem but for strength to deal with it.

What bible verses can you think of that you can pray over your spouse?

Key Point #2: Praying biblical prayers takes the focus off of Myself, my Spouse, and our Marriage, onto the One we should be focusing on.

- Our focus should be on God, not ourselves.
When we focus on God, we look past our sinful desires and toward His Godly desires for our lives.

1 John 2:15-17 (English Standard Version) ^15(A) Do not love the world or the things in the world.^(B) If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶For all that is in the world—^(C) the desires of the flesh and^(D) the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. ¹⁷And^(E) the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

- We must set our minds on the Spirit. Romans 8: 5-8 (English Standard Version)
⁵For^(K) those who live according to the flesh set their minds on^(L) the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on^(M) the things of the Spirit. ⁶For to set^(N) the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷For the mind that is set on the flesh is^(O) hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law;^(P) indeed, it cannot. ⁸Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

Key Point #3: Prayer is the best love language of them all.

The 5 Love languages: Words of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch.

Come up with a prayer for your spouse using Psalm 112 for men and Proverbs 31 for your spouse. Women for the Men: Psalm 112 Men for the Women: Proverbs 31

Today’s Challenge for the week: Pray Scripture over your spouse Daily.

Example bible verses you can pray through for your spouse:
Men: Psalm 112, Psalm 1:1-3, Psalm 119:105, Ephesians 3:16
Women: Proverbs 31, Romans 12:2, Song of Songs 2:15
Together: Colossians 1:9-10, Ephesians 3:16, Proverbs 3:5, Jeremiah 32:39, Psalm 51:10, Ephesians 5:22-23